Brian Light Love Coaching
After a pause, Brian Light is proud to announce that the Brian Light Love Coaching is available on his blog. We are now accepting questions from visitors and we’ll reply. Please feel free to post your questions in comments and we’ll try to answer back in comment and for interesting one, we’ll write a post about it.
So, be quick and cheerio…
Brian Light
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Vincent
said
i am in love with a colleague from another department. She knows about it already. I have told her before, but her reply was that. She dont know what to say, that’s because she is trying to get over a past relationship and is tired of it. However, since then, is just that we continue to get closer to each other. One point of time, i will fetch her home everyday. When she attends her night course, i will go and fetch her and buy her food etc. However, recently, i feel some distance from her. At the same time, suddenly, we are close again. I really do not know what to do. Should i give up on her?
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Brian Light
said
Dear Vincent,
Before anything, I want you to read this post carefully and then you can continue to read my reply to you.
Everyone at least once faced this situation and believe me, it is very hard at time. But I will try to show you how to overcome this situation and we’ll both tries to get a solution.
You are facing a dilemma because you don’t want to lose the one you love but also because you can’t wait eternally. What if she meet someone else?!
What I advise you to do is kind of radical but you will know if you should wait or not. There’s something about human is that as long as they know something is for them, they will take little care of it but if they feel that they are losing something or someone, they will attached themselves to him/her.
My advice to you will be to establish some distance between you and her. For example, you fetch her everyday, do it thrice a week and for her night course, just get her, drop her at her place directly, no eating at the fast food in between and do not enter in even if she proposes (unless she insist). You have to be strong to resist to your desire but you will have to. no invitation to the movie theater to watch the last blockbuster or going out with friends and inviting her. On the other hand, when you see her, don’t just pass by, say hello and how are you and then you go where you were supposed to go, don’t accompany her to her department.
Now that you will do this, you will know whether you should give up or not. After two weeks or three, you will notice that she will come and talk to you (you talk to her, answer back and then back to work, that’s fine pal?!), she will start to realise that consciously or unconsciously she is about to lose you. At that point, something will happen or not. If she doesn’t do anything about it, you know you should let her go and start a new life right now, forgetting about her and forgetting about your past experience and open your arm and heart to the one who will come to you soon or if she starts to come nearer to you and also maybe express her feeling to you, you know you shouldn’t give up because you will both soon be closer than friend.
I hope you’ll soon get your answer and never forget; no matter what happen in life, love will always be here. You might think (feel) she is late but will always remember that she is never late but come at the given time…
Cheerio…
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Emmy
said
Dear Brian,
Please help me. I had relationship for 8 months with man from egypt. we meet by some site. for almost 8 months in relation he is the nice guy even he is temper guy. only little thing can make him angry till he want to explode. but another day he will be so nice. untill twoo weeks ago he know i have account on fb and i use fake id and be his friend. when he check me, he found i hadfew man in my friend list. but i add them all only for hide my identity. but he wont accept all my reason. i dare to swear am never talk with all that man. but he not trust me. he just ignore me and blocking me. i already say sorry and beg him to forgive me, but he wont accept. hereally mad with me and seems like never meet me before. he hurt me by saying he had other woman now..
please help me, how mmake him comeback with me…please…i beg him everyday to forgive me but he say he wont know anything about me anymore..please help me how make him comeback to me…i really love him..
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Brian
said
Dear Emmy,
What I just read made me feel bad and sad; I hate hearing break-ups and relationships that turn bad. I will try to help you for as much as I can, even if what I will say might be hard to hear.
First of all, help me understand why you had this Facebook account. Were you trying to find whether he was honest with you? Did you suspect something weird about him?
Now, I will try to make you understand his reaction, without being hard on Egyptian. Your friend’s culture is one where woman is considered the property of man and where he is to know each and every move she make. Having this Facebook account is equal to you, going in bars and talking to other without him knowing anything about it. You might tell me it is not the same and I shall agree with you but we don’t have the same culture, this is what made him out of him.
Now, what I am about to tell you might be brutal and hard but I have to tell you about it and please, please, read it completely.
It is always hard when a relationship ends up but it is impossible to be in a relationship alone. You have to be two but unfortunately, it seems that you are the only one to who wants the relationship to continue. That’s why, I will advise you to end it now. The guy was the perfect one, never meant to be angry on petty thing but he was indeed angry on this one and it seems that he is not able to forgive. I prefer to have something that gets angry plenty of time but who forgives rather than one that never gets angry but never forgive too. This is my advise to you, it will take time and courage but it is the best answer I can give you (Continue to read please).
And now, if you feel that you got another chance with him, one tip I can give you to help you get him back. Give him some time. Remind yourself about how it is difficult to think rationally or forgive when you are angry, it is the same for him. Give he some time and don’t even talk, mail or whatever. After some time, do as if you are about to strike an acquaintance for the first time and go by saying “hello, how are you?” but don’t talk about coming together again, give him some time to trust you (even though I don’t see where there were breach of trust but he think about it, make as if he is right).
And then continue as friend and you will see he will be the one who will return to you first. Remember this: time heals every pain, time heals every pain, time heals every pain… Sometime when you feel that waiting is just so hard, repeat it as a mantra, it will help you.
Last thing before ending your answer, drop me a message to tell me where are you with this issue. I want to know whether everything has been settle and is going well and don’t forget, I’ll be always here to help every one of you.
Cheerio
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Brian
said
Hi Emmy, I didn’t see you online today but I hope you see this message. Yesterday after you explained me what happened in detail, I was able to understand a bit more about your relationship and thank you for the detail about you and your partner.
What I can deduce from all it is that, from his point of view, he is hurt. What I explained you is how he actually sees it; he thinks that you betrayed him. Even though you (and I) don’t see that opening a Facebook account can be call a betrayal, he thinks so. What I will advise you once more is to give him time to forget it all. I will also give you a tip on how not to talk to him even though you really wants it; each time you talk with him, remember that it will delay your reconciliation.
If you need more help, please feel free to contact me and I’ll reply to you as soon as possible.
Cheerio